The Very Beginning of a Young Mother

"Being a young mom means that we met a little early, but it also means I get to love you a little longer. Some people said my life ended when I had a baby, but my life had just begun. You didn't take away from my future, but gave me a new one." I don't know who said that, but as a young mother, it is something you have to remember.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was nineteen years old and about to finish my third year at the University of Florida. I had only been dating my boyfriend, Yusuf, for about two months- part of which I spent in the hospital and recovering from surgery- so while I was already falling in love with him, we still had a lot to learn about each other. What I didn't realize at the time was just how lucky I would be to have him in my life...

He is my best friend- he makes me laugh, he makes me smile, he knows how to comfort me when I'm sad. He is the sweetest, kindest, most honest person I know, and I know that no matter what, he will stick by me and love me. I can't help but thank God every day for this wonderful man. I simply fall more and more in love with him every single day and can't imagine my life without him.

I don't know how I knew I was pregnant, my period was only two days late, which really wasn't all that weird, but I just had this weird feeling. I remember telling Yusuf I thought something was wrong, and at first he just kind of brushed it off. But after a few hours of me being distracted we decided to buy a pregnancy test, simply to prove my worrisome self wrong. I remember going back to my place, he popped in a movie and I went to the bathroom. As I unwrapped the stick, my hands shook. I peed and then waited. It was the longest three minutes of my life. Then... the little plus appeared. I couldn't believe it, I mean, what would my parents say? What would my friends say? What would happen to all my dreams? Everything I had ever worked towards?

I sat in the bathroom for over an hour before I got the courage to face reality and tell Yusuf- although, by that point, he had already figured it out. Even in shock, though, he handled it so well. He told me it would be ok, that he would never leave me and we would make the best of this- that it happened for some reason...

Our families didn't react quite the same way. I decided my parents had to be told in person, so as soon as exams were over, I drove the eight hours to go visit my family. My mom simply cried and gave me a hug, she told me that she had already known and that God had a plan for both me and my baby. But my dad's reaction shocked me the most- he cried, told me he loved me, and asked for both my boyfriend and I to move in with them... I never would have thought that we would actually pick up and leave our home- but we did and it turned out to be the best decision we could have made.

His family, on the other hand, did not react anything like mine... His father offered to pay for an abortion. And when I point blank told him no, he decided to take another tactic- pressuring Yusuf to leave me and our baby... Even now I can't get past the grudge I hold against them- not something I am very proud of. But I try to at least make the excuse that it is my protective mother-bear mode that doesn't let me. And still, he tells Yusuf to leave me... but now, he is also supposed to take our baby with him. It doesn't leave much room for me to like him.

Even with all the negative reactions though, both Yusuf and I held our head high and finally announced that we were expecting. On his twenty-second birthday, we finally got to see our baby in an ultra-sound and found out that we were having a girl. I have to say, that was one of the most exciting and wonderful days.

By this point we had moved north, and it was wonderful having the support of my family, but I wouldn't realize just how much I missed home until my baby girl was born and I realized how lonely it is to be a young mom.

The rest of my pregnancy was pretty uneventful until thirty-eight weeks when I was induced due to pre-eclampsia. I have to say- labor SUCKS. Didn't help that I was determined to give birth as natural as possible, so I opted not to have an epidural which left me with some of the worst pain I have ever experienced- but I did it. At 8:07 pm on December 6, 2013 I gave birth to Grace Marie, weighing in at 7lbs 12oz. 

 I didn't feel connected to her through my pregnancy and even when I gave birth, I didn't have the overwhelming love for her- it took some time. Even so, she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and every day I fall more and more in love with her. 

This is the beginning of our story- this is the beginning of her- and this is the beginning of my journey as a young mother.